I believe he has gone away, he hinted he would break up with the replacement, but only if I was willing to fight for him that is. He is not considering whether the meat might trigger a trap or be poisoned, all he knows is that he is hungry for that juicy flesh again. We have all had narcissist enter our lives. By timing these reappearances perfectly, the narcissist conditions his victim to not only expect him to come back but also to expect him to come back at a much later date, thus giving him more play time in the interim. Remain committed to No Contact and to creating your happiness. Narcissists love to get your reaction. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. I wonder if this is an ego issue because at day 6 he can still shove you away. He was found guilty and is currently on probation for 12 months..I have remained NC since January and had no further hoover attempts in the past 6 months despite being in the same social sphere on occasion..Would a further hoover depend on the level of Narc injury sustained and if so would a Lesser Narc risk it? If there has been no IGH owing to Discard or the relevant factors have not caused on to happen post escape, then it is the Follow-Up Hoover (“FUH”) which is often discussed by victims because that is the one which is most feared, the one which is most expected and most recognised. By way of example, if the Mid Ranger has high fuel levels and you escaped, he will be boastful but at the back of his mind he knows you escaped him and he is alive to that fact now. The cadres are the type by “interest” thus Somatic = body and appearance, Victim = pathetic and needs mothering, Cerebral = brain, Elite = body and brain. Narcissists hoover because they need to be adored, and who better to suck that energy than someone they decide is still vulnerable to them? The hooverer can be at a … The narcissist would just make contact in the usual way, by texting or ringing and picking up where he or she left off. You will always be hoovered by a Lesser in the first sphere. Did he sense he was losing me and needed to pull out all the stops? Nothing more heartbreaking than reading about the outcome for those whose children have grown and do not see through x. I have been advised I need to expect and “prepare” for a hoover from the ex mid-ranger. But he ignored me. The Initial Grand Hoover is the most concentrated post escape hoover and its efficacy depends on the type of narcissist you are dealing with and the defences you have created as part of instigating no contact. What do you think HG Tudor? He is approaching now with caution. Hoovering is typically done after a long period of no contact between the victim and the abuser. Appeals to Religious Beliefs. The Lesser will immediately stop what he is doing and make a bee-line for you and launch into a hoover. No matter what he tells you, this is the only reason. Higher fuel levels are more likely to lead to a benign hoover, lower to a malign hoover. Hello Bee, I need more information and context to answer accurately and therefore I suggest you organise a consultation so I can help you to the fullest extent. He is feeling powerful but also generous with it. What saves us is that we don’t argue often. Will this start back again now? He stated yes that’s why my mother is coming. When it comes to children, would a narcissist ever hurt his children physically.. to hurt the mother? The Greater will assess the situation before making his move. Helpful at work, and just 2 days ago told me about the upcoming court date with the ex wife and shared how his kids are doing. Play the game in court, ask for a screen, act scared. Is a breakup ever a hoover attempt? I say the setting you meet the narcissist can add to the dissonance and make it harder to resolve. The main considerations are the type of FUH and how sustained it will be. (I know he was seeing someone new at that time as well.) Thanks for responding HG. Please beware, keep your distance and limit your contact. Narcissists are experts at this head game and they know the more time you spend wondering about them, the more likely you are to return to the relationship. On the contrary he will think that you will be so delighted to see him that you will fall into his arms in an instant under another dose of concentrated magnetism and charisma. With my ex, I’m sure that the odd locations from where he’d call me when he had no phone (while we were together) became a way to set the the stage for future hoovering when he didn’t want me to know his new number. They will not care in the slightest what they are doing to others, as long as their needs are being met. Oh and yes…a new cell phone number..never even thought about the reasons for that until i read your article!! He will sign your praises, explain how much he misses you, how empty life is without you and so forth in a bid to draw positive fuel from you and draw you back into the Formal Relationship. It’s also the only opportunity you’ll ever have for breaking the codependency to hope that the narcissist counts on you to cling to while he’s gone. Great article explaining the differences between types of narcissists. A vacuum sucks up things. You thoroughly explain the different types of narcissists perfectly. That may or may not happen. If you require assistance with regard to your own situation, please organise as follows If fuel levels are low and you were discarded, the Greater will sense that fuel remains available and he will approach. The narcissist may really miss you, but not for the reasons you would want them to. Narcissists don’t offer closure. The Hoover I had been expecting was later than I had anticipated and was a physical note versus electronic. If the Mid Ranger has low fuel levels and discarded you, his pity will still be the overwhelming consideration but he will exhibit contrition, as the fact of the discard will temper the contrition somewhat. He is unlikely to hoover further unless something changes and he will be looking for fuel from alternative sources. If fuel levels are high then expect a charming hoover which will be a combination of praising you, declaring how well you look, him showing off about his latest achievements, discussing his new car or new paper that he written. If fuel levels are low, he will look to draw negative fuel form your supporters as well in a similar way as he will from you with a short, sharp shock. Pingback: How to Know If a Narcissist is Finished With You – Top Trend Pins, Pingback: How to Know If a Narcissist is Finished With You | Fairy Tale Shadows. This article only covers sphere one. Once again he just knows there is fuel available and he wants it. Of course being pushed away means I won’t call during the day or when he gets home. Comes and leaves on time. She ignored/abandoned him as a kid very little involvement due to her drug addiction. He is not concerning himself with whether he is going to secure the resumption of the Formal Relationship with you. I, for one, know you can do it! I sent a text, letting him know that I needed space, with no intentions of ever going back. I mean, who DOES that? I tried to read it but even my thirst for knowledge couldn’t get me to finish your vain claptrap. The grandmother and that’s all you can come up with. Remember the Lesser is not aware of what fuel is, how it governs him, all he knows is that when he upsets you, makes you smile, makes you praise him and so on he feels so much better. A narcissist will turn your children against you, the ultimate and most unbelievable pain he can inflict on a ‘neurotic’ mother. Are there previous supply sources that you have never hoovered and not plan to hoover even if you happen to think about them? Potential obstacles: His flirting, or whatever he is doing with the downgrade is pushing me further away, not reeling me in. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. It just kind of depends on where they fall on the narcissistic spectrum, if they have other underlying disorders alongside their narcissism, how many supply sources they have, etc. Furthermore, the fact he has no primary source in place yet will of course be your fault because you escaped (a narcissist will not discard without an alternative being available). I am bothered that he came to my home to leave the note. I wonder if it is part of just regular relationship crap that I just have to accept or is there a reason behind such odd behavior that does not bring two people closer. He will handle any challenge from friends or a new boyfriend for example with ease if his fuel levels are high, by charming and deflecting any attempts to do him down. We’re all different and we respond differently to different situations. Again, as part of his agenda, this manipulative behavior lays the groundwork for the next discard which, of course, will come faster (after his return) and with far more crippling intensity than all the discards before it. Whereas the Lesser will just see prey and bound towards it to nuzzle it or devour it, the Mid-Ranger will exhibit some evaluation of whether the fuel provision will be good or not. You can share in his grandiosity. If he was just testing the waters and not quite ready for me to have his new number, he’d hoover by giving my phone just a single ring from odd numbers around town belonging to businesses and payphones – numbers that no one in the world except me would ever recognize on a Caller ID. Hi Lori…yes, a new cell number should always be suspect. She said she hopes I am not playing her cause I am all she has and not wanting another man. My significant other is a good person. This was very well written, in fact I found myself replacing the word “narcissist” with vampire, and “fuel” with blood. Keep in mind, though, we’re talking about one four-stage cycle. Then i find out hes rung my dad crying about me putting his stuff out for him to collect 18 months ago..which he asked me to do..and that he doesnt knownwhat hes done wrong! I even sent it to the email addresses from the court documents showing his interactions with his mistress and the call girl. If the Mid Ranger has high fuel levels and he discarded you he will extoll the virtues of his new supply without any restraint, singing her praises in order to try to upset you. He will either sweep in full of charm, effusive praise and grandiosity, sweeping you off your feet or slide a knife between your ribs, sink his teeth into your neck and bludgeon those accompanying you before darting away in a smash and grab of negative fuel. It was much easier to decipher his true message after reading HG’s posts. No, Lesser, MR and Grt appertain to function, ability, degree of malice and calculation. Silent Treatment Appreciation – Part 2 (of 3-Pt Series), Sex, Lies and The Narcissistic Personality. Best just to make sure they don’t pull you in again and don’t wait around for them to hoover because you will absolutely waste your life that way. The fact that source is dating somebody else and somebody he knows will also cause him concern and raise the bar higher. Only way to cheat is to say he is going to work when in fact he is not. Sound far-fetched...or does it sound familiar? If you were discarded and fuel levels are high, the ebullience of the Greater will override any potential adverse reaction you might exhibit. Accordingly, the first sphere is the one where you are physically proximate to you. Go no contact until you have educated yourself, and rediscovered yourself. This leaves you with the rather dreary choices of blocking each and every number while a new one pops up, or changing your number altogether. Isn’t that contradictory? Does the UMRN hoover? That is the dominant thought running through his mind. She said when we first started , Why do I make all these guys cry? I was his primary source in a formal relationship for almost a year. Started to wonder if every man has this difficulty to communicate. We had agreed to meet in person to discuss the relationship and how things would move ahead, but he got in first with his email. A narcissist uses these periods of disengagement to fulfill their needs in other ways. Weird feelings and too many things that made me think twice and thrice about them and down to the courthouse I went without a gram (metrics used for your benefit) of guilt. Because he leaves and comes home on time. Because I don’t sense that he drools over other women. Thank you! Until, he said no matter what time or day if a person came to her house she would open the door without questions. I left when he told me he had a GF. For all three schools your physical presence is too much to resist and you will be hoovered. Anywhere from 2-weeks to 3-months after a deafening silence, the hoovering would begin. And I’m sure that his nonchalant disinterest in taking me out during the good times had much to do with his planning for future hoovers where just a single text (out-of-the-blue) requesting a “date” was all that was needed to grab my attention. Why do Narcissists Hoover. So deceptive so deeply. He really digs a t-shirt I bought him and is likely to wear it often, and of course the letter I sent. Say “no more” and mean it! I believe she is a greater, 5 months pushing I divorce my wife then on and on saying she is guilty taking a married man away then so horny but so guilty and withholding, giving silent treatments(likely off to her main supply although for a few months I felt like the main around the past holidays. What is our response? Hoovering usually begins after the devalue and discard phases, when the silent treatment has stopped giving the narcissist pleasure, and when he’s ready for more of the supply you’ve been feeding him all these months or years. Of course I get this call around 10:30 pm asking if I could meet him someone where I was ewe no he said it’s not what you think my grandmother died. Lastly I sent her a prayer my real mail for this who were sexually abused to get rid of her Jezebel demon and ask God for help. I know he’s going to call soon for the girls, and afraid he’ll blame me for taking the girls away from him. If you were discarded with no explanation he knows that if you are angry about the manner of the discard, then he gains fuel.